An Unexpected Elevation In Status

I’m in the process of changing my house telephone number. Dealing with the phone company has, at times, made me want to bang my head against a wall.

When I first made the request, I was passed around from pillar to post and back again, until eventually I seemed to be making headway.

Finally I was told that for me to obtain a new number, I have to take out a new contract. “Fine, whatever it takes. I JUST WANT A NEW NUMBER,” was my response.

After giving all the relevant information, a couple of days later I received a letter from the phone company with my new details.

What did I spot at the bottom of the letter?

They hadn’t assigned me a new fecking phone number.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH.

So, with blood starting to simmer, I got back on the phone, bounced around the post and pillar again, and ended up talking to someone who FINALLY GOT IT. (Maybe I was previously speaking Martian without realising it or, got passed to someone who speaks rudimentary Martian. Result!)

This morning I received a letter from the company thanking me for my order, blah blah blah.

But.

(And this made me giggle.)

When I looked at the name and address before opening it (something I always do, as the postmen/postwomen/postpeople seem to lose the ability to read at times), it was addressed to Dr Bub D’Lub.

I am a doctor now?! (Or perhaps the guy I was conversing with translated Martian ‘Mrs’ as ‘Dr’.)

I may be many things (off my head is probably first on the list), but last time I checked, a doctor I ain’t.

Or has the phone company somehow decided I am worthy of an honorary doctorate? And what’s it for? Perhaps it was awarded for demonstrating outstanding research in the field of Studies Towards Unintelligent Fools Failing In Telecommunications.

Yes, that must be it.

Okay. I can be a doctor. It means I would have letters after my name.

I am now to be known as:

[drumroll]

Doctor Bub D’Lub STUFFIT.

(Mum, Dad, kids, hope you’re proud of my sudden, unanticipated achievement. Don’t know when the ceremony’s going to be – I’ll have to get back on the phone to the company and put my best Martian phone voice on. And if I get any crap, I’ll say, “Do you know who you’re talking to? I am Bub D'Lub, that's DOCTOR D’LUB STUFFIT to you. I want a ceremony, and I want it NOW!")

[Holding head in hands]

[Then banging head on desktop]

I worry myself sometimes.

I need to get out more.