A Rummage Through My Drawers

In a rare burst of ‘aaargh, I need to sort through some of this shit, it’s getting on my nerves declutter,’ I chose as my starting point the drawers in my bedroom which, I’m almost ashamed to say, I can’t remember doing since we moved here, nearly five years ago.

With gay abandon I ruthlessly tossed stuff into the bin, when I suddenly came across a pencil case I’d shoved placed carefully into a drawer at some point, and my carefree dumping of stuff came to a halt.

In previous posts I’ve briefly mentioned that I used to be cabin crew for a short haul, low-cost airline. Apart from the sometimes extremely unsocial hours, I really enjoyed the job, but when Significant Other was diagnosed I stopped working to care for him, and after he died came to the decision that I didn’t want to return.

Cabin crew will invariably be spotted at airports pulling a trolley bag behind them. In the case of short haul crew, the bag contains a night-stop kit in the event of an unscheduled over-nighter (clean blouse, underwear, toothbrush, make-up, hairspray, yada, yada), paperwork and any other vital equipment needed.

When I got the job, a friend who I used to work with, put together an individually labelled survival kit for me as a leaving present and knowing space would be at a premium in a trolley bag, stored it in the pencil case in the picture above.

Of course, I had to stop my chucking of stuff away to reacquaint myself with the contents.

Sachet of coffee

You wouldn’t believe the amount of miles that are walked by cabin crew in a day on an aircraft while flying at 35,000 feet, so just one sachet of coffee could have made a difference. A bit.

Sun shimmer body bronzer

Labelled in jest, but very, very true. Short-haul cabin crew can fly several routes in one working day and only under rare circumstances leave the aircraft. Flying to a hot destination like Ibiza (pronounced eye-bee-tha, although where I live it gets pronounced eye-bee-fah-innit), opening the doors to let passengers disembark, seeing blue sky, the sea and not being allowed to get off is sheer bloody torture.

Nail varnish

I have just one thing to say to that – if only. The very few nights that I did have to spend away from home were spent tiredly eating my dinner, then flaking out in my room. Oh, apart from my very first week when I was based in Milan. I spent my spare time by the pool and thought ‘sod the bar.’ Yes really.

Moisturiser

Eldest Daughter also used to work for the same airline, and some of the crew, on finding out I was her mum, were quite amazed, due to my looking young for my age. On one occasion her name came up and before it was revealed who I was in relation to her, a male member of crew told me she was, well, words to the effect of hot and shaggable. He then asked how I knew her…

Keeping a straight face, I dryly told him I’d given birth to her, then watched with glee as he went various shades of red.

Lady things

Quite.

A peg and perfume

Whenever Kyna recounts some of the horror stories of shit in the bathrooms at the store where she works, I get flashbacks to the condition of aircraft toilets. She has my full sympathy. And some.

Cotton buds

Ooh, I could have been sooo tempted if the staff member in question had ever appeared on one of my flights, she was a real bwitch.

Badge

Yup, loved it so much I couldn’t wait to leave.

Condom

Nuh. Handsome pilots tended to know they were handsome. Besides, I was happily married.

Safety pin

As I was walking through the school corridors one day, I realised that in my haste to get dressed that morning, I’d put on a pair of knickers whose elastic was less than elastic, more like knackered. I had to raid the office for safety pins and pin my underwear to the waistband of my skirt. My friend remembered (and still does – often) my wardrobe malfunction and thoughtfully included the pin. 

So, that’s the contents of my unofficial survival kit, although I must admit I never actually carried it with me while I was working. And after all that, I’ve still got drawers to rummage through.

I don’t think there’s anything else interesting in them.