Barefoot On The Grass - Not Me

I had a momentous moment yesterday. For me, a noteworthy momentous moment - I saw a worm and didn't run screaming for them thar hills. Not only that, I didn't just see the worm, I dealt with it.

I. Do. Not. Like. Worms.

Even as a child I didn't particularly like seeing them, not helped by a boy living across the road who used to bite them in half. Why would somebody want to do that? Strange boy.

What happened when I was about fifteen didn't help either. One lovely summer's day I went to a friend's house. As it was so warm and sunny, we decided to play badminton in her garden, but I had to remove my white stilettos because the heels were anchoring me into the ground. 

Hang on a minute, white stilettos? I can almost see the raised eyebrows. I was fifteen, for heaven's sake and it was the eighties - the decade when fashion sense went out the window. But yes, I'm an Essex girl, as in, I was born in Essex; no, I don't have blonde hair, although I did have it heavily highlighted once - big mistake, made me look ill. Nor do I drive a cabriolet and never have, however, I may be guilty of dancing round a handbag or two in my time, but not recently.

Sorry, I got side-tracked, back to my tale.

So I kicked off the shoes and played badminton barefoot.

Mistake.

There was a lull in our game when my friend's dad bought us out something to drink. After standing still for a minute or two, chatting and drinking, I felt a cold sensation between my toes on my right foot.

It took a couple of seconds to register before I looked down, but when I did... sheer horror! There was a worm coming out of the ground between my toes, about to make its way across my foot. Even now, all these years later, the memory makes me shudder.

Have you heard of the Adumu, known as the jumping dance? Well I jumped so bloody high, I could have become a fully paid up member of the Masai Tribe there and then, based solely on that one jump, even though my jump wasn't anywhere near as dignified as theirs are.

"W..., w..., w...," I was heard to shriek, so freaked out I couldn't even say the word. In the end I just pointed. My friend's dad was bent over double laughing at me and my friend said, "huh? It's just a worm".

Just a worm? Oh no. No, no, no. It was more than that - it was a worm out to get me. It had deployed it's Seek And Destroy Guidance System and found me. Bastard. And where's there's one, there's more, just out there, waiting...

I've never walked barefoot on grass since.

I've managed not to pass on this fear of all things slithery to Eldest Daughter and Youngest Daughter. The memory of Youngest Daughter proudly showing me a writhing pile of worms in her hands, while I was still in bed one Sunday morning, doesn't sit too well with me. They however, have a fear of spiders, whereas I don't. Go figure.

Significant Other and I had a deal. I caught spiders in the house and released them into the garden. In return, if I suspected any hint of a worm when outside, he inspected and then dealt with it if necessary, although I made him wash his hands afterwards - no way was I going to let him touch me after he'd handled a worm. Ugh.

Alright, it made him sigh, but he did it anyway. Especially after I gently reminded him of some of the whopping great spiders I'd rescued him from. One so big once, it could have looked a tarantula in the eye and in a deep voice said, "yo bro! How's it hangin'?" I was made to walk to the end of the road to release that one after I'd caught it, so don't mock me for making Significant Other wash his hands.

My garden suffers as a result of my worm phobia. It would be great to spend time out there in the garden, lovingly tending flowerbeds and nurturing all manner of plants. I wouldn't however, be the sort of gardener who trims their lawn with nail scissors. They do exist, I've seen them. My thought on seeing that? You need to get a life mate. 

The garden isn't a total wilderness, I do cut the grass and will occasionally attempt a bit of weeding - until I see a worm. As soon as that happens I'm off indoors, probably breaking all sorts of records for the fifteen yard sprint. When I get there, I shut the doors. So it can't get me.

With gloves on, I'll happily pick up and lob snails into the field next door, sometimes with a cry of "to infinity and beyonnnd" or "wheeee, super snaaail" as they fly through the air, the wind whistling through their tentacles. But worms, they are my nemesis.

Yesterday afternoon, with the air outside perfumed by a multitude of barbecues (who needs a volcanic ash cloud, try flying over South-East England on a sunny Sunday afternoon), I donned gloves, got out the tools I needed and began clearing around the front of the rockery, with Grumpy and Dopey positioned at opposite ends, watching me. I got about halfway round when... yup, worm.

I'd pulled a tuft of grass and with it was a clump of earth. And with the earth it was there, lying in wait.

I looked at Grumpy. I looked at Dopey. They were no help whatsoever, Dopey yawned and Grumpy stared me out, before blinking lazily and turning her back on me. Traitor.

What to do?

Run?

Barricade myself indoors?

Hope the cats would do a bit of worm wrangling on my behalf?

Or...

I squinted, so I couldn't see it properly, took a deep breath, then launched the whole lot, grass, earth, and worm, into the field. Hope I gave the bugger a headache. Then I carried on clearing the rockery. A momentous moment for me indeed.

"You're so brave," Eldest Daughter said, when I told her on the phone this morning. I don't think she was taking the piss. But she may have been.

Bucket List

About a month ago I decided I 'needed' a new mobile phone. Not just any mobile phone but an iPhone. So I got one and like any new toy started playing with it. Whilst browsing through the apps I came across a Bucket List app, as in 'things to do before you kick the bucket'.

Alright, I'll come clean. I wasn't just browsing, I was searching for an app that allows me to make lists. I need lists. Can't function these days without a list. Shopping list, things to do list, things to take to wherever list etc etc. Anyway, I digress. Intrigued, I installed the app and started my list.

I've mentioned to a few people that I've started this list and they had the same reaction - a grimace and a remark of 'how morbid'. Not at all - I see it as something postive, things to aim for, goals. I think I managed to convince them once I showed them what my list includes - what I'd like to do/see and what I've already achieved in my forty-something years. Surprised myself actually. I'm not as boring as I thought!

There's also the option to share your items which get uploaded to the server, so others around the world can see your aims but equally, you can see other people's stuff (and pinch ideas, or not, in the case of the person who wants to 'Live Through The Zombie Apocalypse' - wtf?!).

Some of the things on my list are unlikely to be achieved unless I win mega money on the lottery - but what the hell, they're staying. For example,  I'd like to view the wreck of the Titanic from a submarine. Highly unlikely to happen, but staying. I'd love to fly in a Typhoon. Not going to happen, but is so staying on the list.

Having a helicopter lesson is most certainly achievable, as is learning to salsa dance and holding a tarantula (hence the title of this blog), but not all to be done at the same time I hasten to add.

A green tick appears next to the stuff you've already done. Right at this moment, top of my list, with a big, fat, very satisfying green tick next to it is Do A Skydive. Oh yes. Achieved in Australia, over a beach, in February this year. 14,000 feet no less. Wooohoooo!!

What else appears on my 'to do' list? Things like: sail on a tallship, see the earth from space (yes, I know), see the Northern Lights, go whale watching, blah blah blah.

What appears (apart from the skydive - did I mention the skydive?) on my oh so pleased with myself, green ticked 'done it' list? Things like: walk behind a waterfall, have a mudfight, raise my children to be independant, go to New York, blah blah blah.

I constantly add items to both lists as I think of them. Added to my 'done list' the other day was 'Climb into an overhead locker on an Airbus 319'. Not that for one minute do I think it's high up on many people's must do lists, if it's there at all, but yes, I've done that and got the photo to prove it. No, it won't be posted on here - maybe my sister can use her imagination and do an artist's impression instead. And no, it wasn't easy to do wearing a skirt.

Let me elaborate a bit. I used to be employed as cabin crew for a low-cost airline and sometimes when waiting for passengers, we'd get bored. Very bored. Anyway, moving swiftly on, somebody commented on this Bucket List item. The comment? 'You're awesome'. Was very flattered, but then realised they probably think I was a passenger who randomly decided to climb into an overhead locker when boarding an aircraft and thus created chaos.

So, should my anonymous admirer ever find and read this blog, I've just shattered his/her illusions.

Oops.