“They say that the way you ring in the New Year is an indicator of how the rest of your year will be…”
That’s a quote from a friend’s Facebook page I read the other day as part of a comment on how my friend had spent her New Year, and I thought how lovely it was, as my friend had had a lovely, peaceful time.
Then it quickly ricocheted around my brain that as the New Year began, I was drunk and wearing leopard print.
Crap.
However, on the other hand, I spent New Year’s Eve 2009 feeling very sorry for myself.
After receiving several text messages from friends during the evening along the lines of ‘thinking of you’ and ‘hope you’re coping’ and thinking to myself ‘wtf? It's New Year's Eve for fuck's sake, why are they sending me fucking sympathy messages??’ I turned my phone off, took a sleeping tablet and went to bed at 10pm.
I knew they meant well, but all those messages managed to achieve was to totally piss me off.
So, with the quote at the top of the post in mind, this is my review of how 2010 went for pissed-offness.
January
It snowed. I was housebound.
And pissed off.
My computer sort of died.
That pissed me off.
I resuscitated it.
The water pump on my car needed replacing and cost the best part of £300 to replace.
Not best pleased.
February
Got rid of the fish tank after giving the fish to my friend, Thistle.
Hurrah!
Spent two weeks in Australia visiting Eldest Daughter.
Hurrah!
Got back to find most of the fish didn’t survive the move to another home.
Sad, but not pissed off.
March
Went to the National Archives at Kew to research some family history. Discovered, through Scotland Yard records, one of my great-grandfathers was financially ripped off and had an obsession with meeting the King. The Home Office and the Prime Minister’s Secretary got involved.
Sad, but it was also very funny in a I-shouldn't-be-laughing-but-I-can't-help-it sort of way.
My computer sort of died again.
Naffed off.
Once again, I resuscitated it.
April
Youngest Daughter and I went to Cornwall for the first anniversary of Significant Other’s death, because I didn’t want to be at home.
Sad, but definitely the right place to be.
Not much else happened in April, apart from starting to sort through sheds and the garage.
That pissed me off to a certain extent.
May
Started this blog.
That did not piss me off.
Youngest Daughter left to work in Majorca for six months.
Sad, worried, scared and happy for her, but a little pissed off.
I helped demolish a shed. RAAAWR!
Certainly not pissed off.
After a couple of weeks, I found I liked living on my own, even though jigsaw puzzles were involved.
June
I sold the spiral staircase on eBay.
Happy it was gone.
My car failed its MOT and needed work doing on it. Parted with half the proceeds of the spiral staircase to pay for it.
Semi pissed off.
My computer died properly.
Resigned, but still pissed off.
July
The month of my birthday.
Getting older doesn’t really piss me off. Yet.
Things came to a head with The Widower.
Freaked out, creeped out and majorly pissed off.
August
Nothing really happened.
Can’t be pissed off at that.
September
Youngest Daughter came back two months early from Majorca.
Happy, but a teeny weeny bit peeved.
Found out Eldest Daughter was pregnant.
Definitely not pissed off.
October
Another month of not much happening.
Hey ho.
No. Wait. I saw Michael Bublé at Wembley Arena. That did it for me for the rest of the month, in a Feeling Good kind of way.
November
Oven officially declared dead.
Pissed me off. A bit.
Saw the Carolina Chocolate Drops at the Union Chapel.
Really enjoyed this.
Went to a ball.
That didn’t piss me off, but celebrating Christmas in November did.
December
It snowed. I was housebound. Again.
I was pissed off. Again.
Eldest Daughter and Captain Oz arrived.
Hurrah!
Eldest Daughter and Captain Oz got engaged.
Hurrah!
I got to spend Christmas with both of my children.
Hurrah!
I started the year pissed off, et voila! I spent a fair proportion of 2010 being pissed off, so it seems there’s truth in the quote.
Therefore it must follow that by the close of 2011, I will have bought more leopard print (which, apart from what I wore this New Year’s Eve, I promise you I have NEVER bought and/or worn before in my life), I will have been drunk more often, and by this time next year I could look something like this:
Shit.
I never make any New Year resolutions, but this year I think I will make an exception.
Must. Not. Buy. Leopard. Print.
Hi Bub,
ReplyDeleteI quite like Leopard print.
Honestly. Wear it all the time.
Ok ok, I don't, wouldn't be seen dead in it, am getting worried about my mum though... She's into gold bags and stuff... V.worried for her, only a hop, skip and jump from leopard print.
Madame Iza predicts: 2011 will be full of fun and frolics for you. Getting pissed and wearing leopard print signifies that you are sociable and playful as a kitten. But beware young men who're looking for a cougar!
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, this post reminds me I need to check Netflix to see if Ab Fab is streamable... =) Happy 2011.
ReplyDeleteWhenever anything breaks down or dies (judging by 2010: computer, oven...), just purchase a new one in leopard print.
ReplyDeleteWhen you WEAR leopard print, people shake their heads in pity or whisper behind your back.
When they come to your home and see your socially acceptable and conservatively patterned clothing and THEN they see the leopard print oven and computer...well, they will still probably whisper behind your back but how much fun will it be to LAUGH behind THEIRS. (or if you're like me, laugh right in front of them.)
My New Year's Resolution is to be more like Bet Lynch. I think I'm still a little young, but at least I can start training! :D
ReplyDelete2010 seemed like a good year. I don't what you're complaining about.
ReplyDeleteLeopard print is so 2010. Go for zebra print in 2011. It's SO much classier!
Typically I find a year end wrap up quite boring, but yours I completely enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteI know this gal who believes you should, at all times, be wearing some piece of animal print. (underwear that is under your clothes does not count.)
I'd like you to try and picture this lady in your mind....
yup! That's EXACTLY what she looks like!
Liz: I think you're right to be concerned - she's just one shop away from buying it. You need to have a word. Or several.
ReplyDeleteIs/Madame Iza: I like your interpretation - it gives me hope that leopard print is perhaps NOT going to feature in 2011. Phew. And thanks for the warning - any young men looking for a cougar can sod off!
bb: Oh! Yes! Patsy! I'd forgotten about Ab Fab - wish I'd searched for a pic of Patsy now...
Nari: There is, unfortunately, a flaw in that plan. I'd have to live with the leopard print appliance - gack!
Kyna: Erm... go for it? If that's what floats your boat. Bahahaha!
IG: Thanks, but I'll give your fashion tip a miss, if it's all the same. Ta anyway.
Melissa: *shudder* It's just WRONG!! Even in my head it's a big no-no.