'Lost'

From Spring 2009 onwards, I used to put the radio on for background noise during the day, rather than have a silent house. I never really took any notice as to what was being played - my concentration skills were poor to say the least and I had the attention span of a gnat.

But gradually I became aware of a song that was being played a lot. When I began to pay proper attention to the lyrics, I really cried. It then got to a point where I couldn’t listen to it - it was too painful. I avoided it for quite a while, because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be able to accept the meaning of the lyrics – all I heard was negative, when it's actually a beautiful, positive song.

Now I can hear it without wanting to turn it off, although it can still occasionally catch me unawares and I find tears rolling down my face.

I know Michael Bublé isn’t to everyone’s musical taste, but I hope you listen to it because in many ways the lyrics are so apt.

Why am I posting this today? Because today is the second anniversary of Significant Other’s death.

I find the lead up to certain dates and the anticipation of how I think I’m going to feel is far worse than the actual day itself. The last few days have not been great, certainly not helped by yesterday’s fiasco (although I was so naffed off I took it out on the grass, a task I’d been putting off for a while), but today I feel chilled. It’s a lovely sunny day; a day for taking a walk by the river.

Here in the UK it is also Mother’s Day; my children know me so well…

My special occasion will take place later this evening, when I’ll raise my glass in loving memory.