Huh? Where Did That Come From?

I was held hostage by a worm yesterday. It was a big eff off one and it was blocking my path to the car. It was that big. Anaconda proportions. Honest.

(“You’re such a drama queen,” sighed Eldest Daughter when I told her. Drama queen? Moi?? Surely not.)

There was no way I was going to step over it, so I turned round and ran back indoors. Who needs to urgently buy toilet roll anyway? Er, that would have been me, but it’s amazing how you can eke out what little loo roll is left when you freak out. I’m not going to go into any further details on that subject; suffice it to say that with eyes watering, I was out of my front door and at the local shop - with the correct change - before I’d had my first cup of coffee this morning.

I’m well aware it’s an irrational fear. Logically, I know they mean me no harm really, but try telling that to the part of my brain that takes over and shrieks otherwise. For years I wouldn’t even eat spaghetti and although I do now, I have to cut it up first. Sad, but true. Oh alright, and pathetic.

So. Being holed up indoors for the duration, I decided to have a poke around on Facebook. See if I could get any idea of what Youngest Daughter is up to.

Youngest Daughter is working in Majorca for six months, has been there for a month so far and is thoroughly enjoying herself, going by the photos of her looking totally off her trolley. Far too busy clubbing, knocking the booze back, oh and working, to keep in contact regularly. Mind you, at her age I’d probably be the same, given half the chance.

Satisfied that Youngest Daughter was still alive and kicking, albeit in a semi-permanent state of being incapable of remembering her name, I broadened my horizons. Okay, I was being nosey.

Facebook is a fantastic way of snooping – go on, admit it. Forget all that rubbish about keeping in touch – overall, Facebook is for spying.

But. Oh my God, what dross some people have their status as.

...has stomach ache (do I really need to know this?)

...is about to have a bath (so?)

...is sooo tired (get off the sodding computer and go to sleep instead then if you’re that knackered)

And so on.

As an experiment, not that long ago, I set my status as – “... is bored. In fact, so bored she's just managed to lose approximately 30 seconds updating her status to tell everyone how bored she is. Although she's now slightly worried she's losing the plot...”

I was amazed when two people liked it.

At the other end of the scale, some people put every detail of their lives on there. To the point where I end up thinking, “that really is too much information”. I want to be amused and I consider myself to be fairly broad-minded, but being informed in detail about people’s toilet habits (usually blokes), or the state of certain parts of someone’s anatomy the morning after they’ve been horizontally entertaining the night before, are not bits of knowledge, or mental images, I particularly want to have.

It makes me question why I am Facebook friends with them. Not so deep down, I know why. I’m a number. It’s so they can boast “look, I’m so popular, I have a million and one friends”. And if I’m perfectly honest, I’m the same – do I really want to look like Bub-No-Mates?! Do you? If I went through my friend list, I could probably manage to lose about seventy percent of my ‘friends’. But I don’t, I keep them because I want the numbers and I’m downright nosey too. I'm not a curtain twitcher, I'm a Facebook Lurker.

Blimey, I wasn’t intending to ramble on about this and for it to turn into a mini rant.

That damn worm’s got a lot to answer to.