So There I Was...

...sitting quietly in my back garden yesterday afternoon, taking a break from clearing a bit of jungle in a corner of my garden, contemplating the nettle rash up both arms (note to self: wear a top with long sleeves in future, OR, don’t let the mini jungle grow in the first place), and also resting from shifting rocks - like you do (you don’t? Oh, just me then).

I was also taking a break from crunching snails underfoot, flicking spiders off me, thinking how ugly woodlice are, wondering why my hair doesn’t grow as fast as weeds seem to, being thankful I’m not a bird (I’d have to eat worms), wondering if it was too breezy for a barbecue later (yes), hoping I wasn't going to crapped on from a great height, seeing as I was working underneath a tree (I didn't), yada yada.

I’d been sitting there for a while, drinking my well earned John Smith’s (let me help you out - ‘geezer bird’ is the phrase you’re after), picking bits of weed off my t-shirt, when I heard part of what I assumed to be a phone conversation taking place.

As it’s so quiet round here, voices carry, but people seem to think their gardens are soundproof. And we all know they’re not. You’d think.

I wasn’t really taking much notice until I heard a laugh followed by, “do you like uniforms?”

Hello?!

With hindsight, I could have made my presence known by making a noise. But where's the fun in that?

I’m not going to relay the conversation word for word, because it was one-sided and I missed some of it as I had to dive indoors due to being overcome by a giggling fit. But some of it covered:

men’s uniform (“ooh, I like a man in uniform”) (Fireman’s? Policeman’s? Captain’s? Sainsbury’s?)

nurses uniform (1.“short” plus 2.“bed bath”) (1. I’d have thought that’s a given in those circumstances 2. Oh good grief)

school uniform (I’m not even going there)

underwear (“lacy”) (phew, coulda been a lot worse)

lettuce (wtf?? I must have missed something important, or led a sheltered life)

rabbits (ah, that’d explain the lettuce)


Who needs the radio? I’ll just sit in my back garden in future and tune in to real life Desperate Housewives!