I Really Don't ♥ eBay People

I have noticed that my not-very-high-in-the-first-place tolerance level is getting lower regarding stupid people (conveniently overlooking the fact that [ahem] I can be one of them at times).

I’m currently selling the spiral staircase on eBay.

I have a real like/dislike attitude towards eBay. A lot of this stems from Significant Other loving it to the point where eBay would be the first port of call when we needed something, seeing it as a way of recycling unwanted items - he totally embraced the concept of recycling. (I dreaded him taking stuff to the dump, because he’d always come back with other peoples' unwanted, broken crap.)

Cameras, trainers, batteries, sofas, fish tank, cars, computer parts, motor bikes, watches, cement mixer, sirens, fridge, dodgy tv, dodgier van, well dodgy boat and plenty, plenty more – you name it, I’ve probably got it. As far as he was concerned, eBay was always the ‘solution’. Pfft.

It got to the point where I used to mutter, “I just want something new for a bloody change”, or more often than not, “what on earth do you/we need that for?” I don’t feel I was being unreasonable.

You might be sitting there wondering why I didn't put my foot down to stop the stock-piling of shite. The answer is that I fairly quickly learnt to choose my battles.

This being a prime example:

Quite.

I pointed out that we didn't live on a property with fifty acres, our neighbours in the East London terraced housed road we lived in would be justifiably cheesed off, and that marital rights would be withdrawn indefinitely, with no room for negotiation if it was purchased.

I think it was the fact that we didn't live on a large enough property that swung it in my favour.

A few years ago, our washing machine packed up and after consulting Haynes Washing Machine manual, Significant Other decided it was destined for the great launderette in the sky a.k.a. the dump.

Ebay was then pored over and he found a washing machine. It was duly bid for, won and collected.

After getting it home, Significant Other then decided it needed going over, so he took it apart on the living room floor. People who knew Significant Other will fondly laugh knowingly.

For the rest of you non-believers:

It was there for a week. [Sigh] If we’d had a new one, it would have saved me from schlepping to the launderette and it would have had a warranty and we wouldn't have kicked bits of washing machine guts around the headache inducing carpet. On reflection though, I was lucky it was just a week - he once bought a car and it was six months before I could drive it. Six bloody months.

(And people wonder why I'm as mad as a bucket of frogs - it's a highly developed, finely tuned coping mechanism.)

Anyway, my eBay listing for the spiral staircase clearly and bluntly states there is no Buy It Now Price, and any cash offers to end the listing early will be turned down. In fact my exact wording is:

Please note this is an auction.

There is no Buy It Now price.

Also, offering me a cash price, with collection being quicker than a gnat can fart to end the listing early, will be politely declined, so to save you the bother of typing it out, I've already answered it.

I can see seasoned eBayers nodding, because they know exactly where I’m coming from on this.

I thought I’d covered all bases.

Apparently not.

I was contacted by someone who provided me with their phone number, saying they wanted more information about the staircase.

Being the mug polite and considerate person that I am, I phoned, only to be asked the question by the timewasting tosspot potential bidder what price I’d be willing to take for it.

Feckin’ stupid twat.

My politeness went out of the window and I left him in absolutely no doubt as to what I thought of his question. I also have no doubt that if he was a serious bidder, he won’t be now. My loss. Shame. Not. And I withheld my number (heh, I'm not that stupid).

Unfortunately, because of the sheer amount of stuff I’ve been left with that needs selling, and eBay is oh so convenient in oh so many ways, I’m going to come across plenty more of these jerks dipshits morons fuckwits dumbasses  people.

Let’s see how many more pillocks I can alienate.

Bring it on.

I’m ready.